You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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