too bad you live with your parents still
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
