Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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