Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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