So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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