My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
