she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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