I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
