Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
