I puked a lego.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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