tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
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