there's paper in my vomit.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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