I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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