More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
