you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
