I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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