Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
