first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
