i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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