she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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