I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
