What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
