Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
