I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
