Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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