proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
