She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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