I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
