U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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