I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
