He uses pillows to masturbate.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
