The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
