I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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