i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
