I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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