i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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