Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
