we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
