You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
