i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
