my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
