I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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