Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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