LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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