we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
