Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
