my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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