How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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