his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
