You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
