the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
