I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
