Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
